The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists, is a heartfelt tale about the author’s (Neil Strauss) experiences joining and working his way up the chain of the pickup community. It describes in exquisite detail the boons of mastering this art, but stresses the debilitating effects that this exploitative behavior causes. The book reads like a good soap opera, constant drama engulfs all the characters, and we readers are entertained by their successes and sympathize with their failures.

Why the hell am I reading this?
Good question, I’m glad you asked. Literally 5 unrelated people recommended it to me. Two of those were after I broke up with my girlfriend, and one of those probably thought this would help my game, but we’ll get into that shortly. Anyway, when 5 respectable sources tell you to do something, it’s usually worth looking into.

The premise:
There are practice-able routines and actions that can get women to date you (AND put out). Does it work? I bet it does. Their strategy is impeccable. Approach indirectly, directly is too confrontational; we don’t want them on the defensive. “Open” them, it doesn’t really matter how. Ask a question, say something provocative, whatever, just start a dialogue. Then demonstrate value. This can be anything, but the examples in the book were what turned me off. They have gimmicks: ESP tests (people pick 7 70% of the time when choosing a number between 1 and 10), rune readings, “best friend tests”, magic tricks, and other skills that basically amount to reading body language. No doubt these things require practice, but they’re too gimmicky to appeal to me. After you’ve established value, which you usually do while ignoring your target (people want what they can’t have), then you finally show interest, isolate her, establish sexual tension, and go in for a kiss. Succeeding in that, she’s bound to give you at least a phone number. There are several other techniques in the book about escalating situations physically. One of them involves biting her wrist, then her neck, then theoretically she bites you back, and you make out. There’re even steps on how to get her to agree to sleep with you once she’s at your place and you’re being physical. I believe some of them would work too—on almost anyone.

My issues:
It’s always hard to put what I want in a woman succinctly. Any given list of adjectives is going to be deficient somehow. Nevertheless, here’s one anyway. Intelligent, independent, beautiful, witty, stable, fun, outgoing, confident…If you’re a woman like that, I don’t think you’d fall for a lot of the routines in this book. Then again, maybe you would, just because some of them are interesting and fun. That’s the thing though, it would just be for fun. The people that use these routines and become embedded in this society do so because they gain a sense of self worth through success with women.
I think many women don’t realize it, but confidence is easy to fake. It’s easy to tell with some people: (ex-)jocks with 17 popped collars, that guy saying whatever he can to be the center of attention, people that buy tons of drinks for everyone around them to be the center of the party—These are people that need attention, they need their ego stroked to feel worthwhile. That’s not the pickup artist approach. Being cocky-funny and “peacocking” (the act of wearing something ridiculous to attract attention and show you can pull it off) are much more subtle ways to exude confidence. Those are things I’ve done before, though I am by no means well practiced. I like to think that women can see through the former type of confidence, though experience has showed me differently, and I’m certain most women can’t see through the latter. That confidence—being the alpha male of a group—is what will make a woman pick you out of a crowd.
If that confidence is real, it stems not from the constant encouragement of others, nor even success with women, but from having a high self esteem. People with a high self-esteem don’t need to delve deeply into pickup art, because they aren’t validated by women.
Nevertheless, there are a few points to take away that may improve your social and sex lives.


Takeaway points:
Grow a pair. I thought I was blunt already, but I’m not nearly forward enough. Pay attention to subtle signs from people you’re flirting with, and open opportunities for them to give you more. One of the recommended indicators of interest pushed is to squeeze her hand. If she squeezes back, she’s into you. There’s a lot of social overlap with books like Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. Establish rapport, get them saying ‘yes’ immediately, etc. Basically I take a much too laid back role in flirting. I’ll work on it.
“…a man never chooses a woman. All he can do is give her an opportunity to choose him.”

I also need to work on openers and anecdotes. I need a few interesting stories I can tell that’ll be fun for anyone. Openers could even be questions applicable to my own life, that way it’s way less shady than a completely fake routine. Also, telling girls that aren’t in tech that I’m a computer scientist seems to be a huge turnoff. I promise, I’m still cool. I need a way to establish that coolness before they get a chance to ask me what I do.

The author also stresses how people that are in “the game” for long periods of time lose their respect for women. Girls just become machines that respond certain ways to certain routines. They debase them to make rejections hurt less, and find it hard to establish meaningful relationships. The author has an epiphany when dealing with his best friend, “Perhaps it was really shared emotion and experience that creates relationships.”
I don’t want to lose my respect for women—some of my most meaningful relationships have been with women, and that’s not something I’d give up.